Supporting Caregivers Who Are Carrying Trauma

Supporting children in the context of gender-based violence often means supporting the caregivers who are caring for them. Many caregivers are navigating their own trauma while trying to meet the needs of their children, and this reality shapes how they show up in relationships, in parenting, and in moments of stress. In a recent conversation with members of the Growing Up Safe team, we explored what it means to support caregivers who are carrying trauma and how this work impacts families as a whole.

Shifting the Lens on Caregiver Trauma

Recognizing caregiver trauma is an essential starting point. Without this understanding, behaviours can easily be misunderstood. What may appear as disinterest, inconsistency, or lack of engagement can often be rooted in past experiences and coping strategies developed during times of survival. Shifting the lens from “what is wrong?” to “what has happened?” allows staff to approach caregivers with greater empathy, curiosity, and compassion.

Caregiver trauma can affect emotional regulation, connection, and the ability to respond consistently to a child’s needs. Everyday tasks that may seem simple; maintaining routines, responding calmly to behaviour, or staying present can feel overwhelming. Caregivers may also struggle with self-doubt, feeling inadequate in their role, or misinterpreting their child’s behaviour. These challenges can impact attachment and create additional stress within the parent-child relationship.

At the same time, trauma does not exist in isolation. Intergenerational experiences often shape how caregivers understand themselves and their children. Recognizing these patterns helps staff move beyond surface-level behaviours and better support both the caregiver and the child. Providing a non-judgmental space for caregivers to share their experiences can be an important part of healing, even when the primary focus of support is the child.

Strategies for Building Trust and Connection

Building trust with caregivers requires intentionality and consistency. Leading with curiosity, avoiding assumptions, and creating space for caregivers to share their story at their own pace are key approaches. Staff emphasize the importance of validating emotions without reinforcing harmful behaviours, and of showing up in ways that are predictable, transparent, and authentic. Small gestures; checking in, saying hello, or simply being present can help build connection over time.

Supporting both caregivers and children often involves a flexible and collaborative approach. This may include working with caregivers and children together, separately, or in a combination of both, depending on capacity and need. In some cases, stabilizing the caregiver first can have a positive impact on the child, reinforcing the idea that support for one directly benefits the other. At the same time, meeting caregivers where they are; whether they are ready to engage or not, is essential in building trust.